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Exposing Wedding Myths
Apr 03, 2011 09:41 pm

" they say": If this is familiar to you, and you are confused - we are here to help. Many brides & grooms hear these stories over and over again and those who believe and abide by it are forced into decsions that may not like at all. They crawl down our family chains sometimes and have been adopted as customary. But at the end of the day, all your wedding planning and decsions should be what makes you & your spouse-to-be happy.

So we decided to expose some of these so called myths:

1. It's the bride's day.
Like all myths, there is the slightest tinge of truth to this belief. Of course, most of the wedding hoopla focuses on the bride somehow, but it is, of course, the groom's day as well. There can be a tendency to forget about him in the midst of all the planning, which is unfortunate, considering youre about to start your life together. Take his opinions, his wishes, and his personality into consideration as the two of you make plans together, and don't be tempted to play princess.

Pix by Rasanga Dissanayaka
Avoid taking a condescending attitude toward your fianc's ideas, and be prepared to give in from time to time. You are likely to find that he is more than willing to let you have your way in regard to most decisions, anyway.But youre not done sharing, the wedding also "belongs" to your parents and to his parents, as well. This has nothing to do with who is paying for what. It has to do with who is involved in the decisions, whose opinions are sought, who is treated as an honored guest. Until you have children of your own, you cant possibly understand all the ways in which your wedding will affect your family, so treat the ideas, perspectives, and sometimes unsolicited advice that you are sure to receive from both sets of parents with respect.
2. The value of a wedding gift should be approximately equal to the per-head cost of the wedding.
This is the myth that seems to generate the most awful behavior on the part of both brides and grooms and their guests. It is true that in most parts of the country, among most social circles, the guests feel awful turning up at a very extravagant wedding with a mere token of a gift. And there is nothing wrong with extravagant wedding gifts. If someone wants to give them, the bride and groom are almost always more than happy to receive them.It is when the bride and groom (or their parents) begin to feel entitled to gifts that problems arise. All too often, the gift is regarded as a sort of fee for admission to your wedding. A wedding gift should be regarded as a happy surprise by the bride and groom. Guests are not, in any way, required to give you a gift at all, much less one that is worth a certain amount of money. But the truth is that almost all wedding guests are genuinely happy for you and consider a gift a nice way of expressing that. If you don't get a gift, or if the gift seems to be a bit less expensive than you had expected, don't let it bother you. If you do, you are the one who is behaving badly, not your guest.

Pix by Rasanga Dissanayaka

3. The bride's family pays for everything.
This is an old rule from back in the days when the bride was a sweet young thing leaving her father's home for her new husband's home without ever having created a life of her own. These days, things are much more flexible. What seems to be the most prevalent practice is for the bride's parents to simply tell the engaged couple how much money they will contribute. Most of the time, the groom's family will do the same. If these two sums are not enough for the couple, they can contribute their own allowance. But etiquette does not step in and force people to spend money that they may or may not have. The flip side of this myth is that you cannot insist that the groom's parents pay for anything, either. Fortunately, most parents of male offspring realize that the archaic tradition of the bride's family footing the bill doesn't apply anymore and offer to chip in.

4. Everything must be perfect.
The futile strive for perfection may indeed ruin all your fun. Your wedding should be wonderful, fun, and joyful, but it's never going to be perfect. This doesn't mean that you should throw caution to the wind and let things take their course. There's no need to toss out that "Checklist of 900 Things To Do Before Your Wedding." And of course, all your planning will be focused on making things go beautifully. But it's when you become obsessed with perfection as a goal that you should start to worry. Remember to take things in stride, especially as your wedding day draws near. If you are overwhelmed by the myriad of tasks with which you are faced, hire a consultant or put your bridal party to work on a few things. On your wedding day, you may have to make an effort at first to relax and enjoy the events as they unfold, but you will be glad that you did.

5. It's impossible to get a bridesmaid dress that can be worn again.
Lucky for your friends, this is just not true. There is no reason for bridesmaids to be sent home with dresses they want to burn after the wedding day. Create dresses that are nicely made, fashionable, and can truly be worn in the future. So, if you haven't been to the bridal shop for your bridesmaid attire yet, you are likely to be pleasantly surprised. There are gowns in flattering colors in styles that don't scream "Bridesmaid!" and they are created from fabrics that you would actually want to wear. Best of all, many manufacturers have come out with gowns in the same fabric and color but in a variety of styles. Each of your bridesmaids can try on all the variations, and then each choose the style that most flatters her.
6. The bride and groom must have the same number of honor attendants.
This is a funny myth because it sometimes leads to the bride inviting acquaintances to be in her wedding party or to the groom including his boss' son in his. If he has a big family of four brothers, or you have eight very, very close friends, there is not any reason for either of you to run out and sign on any new near-and-dear "insta-friends" simply to balance the way the wedding party will look on the altar. It might be weird to have six groomsmen and two bridesmaids in your wedding, but not as weird as the

Pix by Rasanga Dissanayaka
feeling you will get when you look at your wedding album and can't remember the people in it. If you find yourself trying too hard to balance everything, remind yourself that it's a wedding, not a fashion show.If the sides of the wedding party don't "match," simply avoid pairing off the bridesmaids and groomsmen. They can each walk down, and up, the aisle alone. And avoid moving a bridesmaid to the opposite side of the altar to make things look balanced, or people will assume that the moved person is a friend of the groom's (or vice-versa). These days, it's not that unusual for a bride to have a man in her party or a groom to have a woman.

7. A second-time bride bride should not wear white.
Sure she should, if she wants to. It is not the color so much as the style of the bridal attire that seems to matter. A second-time bride in a formal gown and long veil will seem sort of odd, and the truth is she is really dressed somewhat inappropriately. If you've been married before, avoid very "bride-y" bridal gowns, and don't wear a veil that flows any longer than your chin; but by all means choose colors from all over the spectrum.

8. The bride must have the groom's sisters in the wedding party.
A very nice touch, if you are close, is to include the groom's sisters in your bridal party. It makes a nice statement of family unity and will make his family so very happy. But quite often these days, the bride simply doesn't know the groom's sisters very well, if at all. You probably all live in different places and may have only met your fianc's siblings a few times. If this is the case, you should not feel awkward about not including them in your wedding party. Your fianc may want to involve them in other ways, by asking them to do a reading at the ceremony, for example.However, if you do know his sisters well, if you have known them for years, it is probably best to include them, especially if they are unmarried themselves. If they are older and already married, it is regarded as less of a snub to not invite them to take part in the wedding; but if they have children, you might invite the child to be a ring bearer or flower girl. If you don't much like his sisters, consider carefully the implications of not inviting them to be in your wedding. If they could not care less, then you have nothing to lose. But if not including them will start a family feud that could last for decades, you should consider tolerating their presence at the altar.
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